A few weeks ago my friend
Greg pointed out the rather unpleasant
lyrical content in
Busted's modern classic,
Air Hostess, in which Charlie alludes to
defiling with the hand while admiring a member of the flight crew. Disgusting.
Anyway, with this in mind I will now discuss a glaring logical fallacy present in another recent masterpiece,
Love Machine by
Girls Aloud. The chorus goes thusly:
I'm just a Love Machine
Feeding my fantasy
Give me a kiss or three & I'm fine
I need a squeeze a day
Instead of this negligee
What will the neighbours say this time?
I find myself somewhat baffled by lines 4 and 5. Why does she need a squeeze
instead of a negligee? Does the wearing of a negligee preclude a person from being squeezed? Are the two mutually exclusive in some way? Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think it is physically, biologically,
ecumenically, grammatically... possible to be squeezed while wearing a negligee, and while I'm certainly not the expert on ladies nightwear, I would venture that you may in fact be altogether more likely to be squeezed while wearing one.
Then again, the song does also feature the line
"I'll breathe underwater 'cause I like the way it feels" so unless the singer has some peculiar fascination for
SCUBA diving, I suspect it may in fact just all be a load of bollocks.
